"That's so disrespectful." my mother said as she repeatedly shook her head. "When will they learn?" My mother had just given two of my 10-year-old cousins 紅包, red envelopes that bear great cultural significance in traditional Chinese culture. My cousins, unaware of this cultural significance, took out the money contained in the 紅包, discarded the envelopes, quickly said "thank you for the money!", and walked away.
Many Westerners would do something similar if put in the same situation (but they would probably be a bit more tactful than my young cousins!). And they are justified in doing so, for it is common in the West to open gifts in front of the gift-giver. Doing so allows the receiver to thank the gift-giver for the specific item that was given.
But in China and Taiwan, opening gifts in front of others, especially 紅包, is a major faux pas. So is saying something like "thank you for the money." The Chinese and Taiwanese see both of these actions as greedy and tone-deaf.
Gift-giving is seen as a very personal, private matter, so opening gifts in front of others is almost the equivalent of sharing your best friend's secrets with strangers.
"Thank you for the money" is also socially unacceptable in the West, but in this particular situation it bears an even stronger Chinese/Taiwanese connotation.
Red envelopes are gifts of money given from elders to children in their extended families to express their desire for the children to prosper. Saying "thank you for the money" after being given a red envelope almost implies that the receiver is happy because of the satisfaction of his/her own greed, not because of the honor of being given a red envelope.
I share this anecdote not to shame people for their cultural ignorance, but to show how many are blinded by their inability to think about things from another perspective. Neither my mother nor my cousins truly understood what the other side's intentions were. Both groups had only been exposed to one cultural perspective (or only wanted to be exposed to one cultural perspective), and the resultant poverty in their understanding was obvious.
In today's increasingly digital world, it's often easy to forget that one's information diet greatly influences perspective. Social media is a curated selection of people's best moments, yet many pretend that it accurately represents reality. YouTube's and Twitter's recommendation algorithms use confirmation bias to keep people on their websites for as long as possible, creating ideological echo chambers.
The Internet has also exacerbated our cultural obsession with activity, stimulation, and progress. It's made information so widely available and so easily accessible that most people consume information without taking the time to think critically about the information they have just consumed. They chug from the Internet firehose rather than consuming and digesting small gulps.
It's easy to see how, in a culture so little attuned to calmness and introspection, many people are unable to view things from balanced points of view. How does one maintain perspective in a chaotic world that seems to despise balanced perspectives so much?
Understanding the etymology of the word "perspective" can, incidentally, give one a new perspective. The word comes from the Latin perspicio, where per means "through" and spicio means "to look." In my opinion, there are few pieces of art that illustrate this better than the glass sculpture titled "Emulsifier" by Thomas Medicus.
It's no wonder that during disagreements each side is often so frustrated by the other. Both are looking at the sculpture from different angles, so each side thinks the other is blind.
Keeping one's emotions at bay can also help one maintain perspective. It's often too easy to refuse to listen to another person's point of view simply because you disagree with that person or don't like him/her. It's even easier to under- or overreact to a particularly joyous or unpleasant situation, trapping yourself in an emotionally warped perspective. Though it can often be bothersome, taking some time everyday to emotionally calm down and think about one's reactions to situations and possible ways to improve is one of the best ways to maintain perspective while overcoming obstacles. It might also help prevent you from saying "thank you for the money!" to an overly uptight elderly woman.
I love how you touched upon so many different pieces in your post - a cultural anecdote, today's internet culture, the etymology of the word "perspective," and the art piece. I also really love your tone. You can definitely know your voice as a writer, and your personality really shows through. All in all, really appreciate what you said about people's intent vs their impact and the importance of trying to understand other people's POVs!
Your blog is so interesting, me, being an American would open up a gift in front of the person so that I could say thank you to the person at that moment. I think that in some cases it would be rude not to open the gift in front of the person because they will feel like you do not care about the gift that much. I have also learned a lot about Asian culture and about Confucianism throughout the years, and from that I can see that in a lot of cases that most Asians are more modest and humble in giving and receiving anything including complements.